I used to look for love in radio songs.

Later on, 
   when I thought I was more sophisticated
 moved on to Rumi poems.

A Hafez here
    a Rilke there.

Perhaps, 
I looked for someone 
   to come along 
and make me feel better about myself.

Possibly, 
to give me something 
   that was lacking in me. 

Now, it looks different.
   
Love doesn’t have much to do with “feel good” to me. 
It’s not a drug.
I’m not searching
    for a “high.”

Love has less to do
   with clever symbols
      Shocking metaphors.

The poems point the way.
The path is something else
Altogether.

I remember The Matrix:
“There is a difference between 
   knowing the path
and walking the path.”

A difference between 
  knowing about the flame
      Seeing the flame
          And standing in the midst of the flame

Become the flame.

I see love differently now. 
Not as an emotion.
Certainly not a feeling. 

Love is a death
     And no one tells you that.

                                               You’ve watched my descent
                                                              Now watch me
                                                                         Rise!
      					                             —Rumi

I’ve lost so much in love.

I thought I would lose 
My heart
My identity
My will.

            And I did.

Some of those 
I dropped along the way.
Didn’t turn around to pick them up
Don’t miss them

But mainly 
I’ve lost other things…

Lost
My anger
                 My frustration
   selfishness

The “who” I thought I was
Died
And rose again.

I was a seed
That had to be crushed 
Go underground
Linger there for a whole winter
And then
Come up again 
In the spring
    Fragrant
Tender
    Rising.

I couldn’t flower
Until I had gone under ground.

My heart was like this too.

It had to be broken 
    To open up.

There was a death, a breaking, 
    a burying
In love
But oh…
  What a rising!

Somewhere I read
That the word for Human 
is related to the word
“burying.”
 
Every burying
    Has a resurrection.

Ever winter
  A spring.

What a rising
    this love is…

I’ve gained so much, 
Not just a partner
   But a mirror

She mirrors God to me
All that is lovely
   Sacred
Real
Here
    Now. 

Yes, 
there is in love 
a death.

But what no one tells you
Is that there is a love
Stronger than death.

There is a love beyond time
Beyond place
   Where only God is.

There is a love that abides
       Where life and death cannot touch.

There is a love
So present
That it packs 
        a few eternities 
              into every moment.

And that,
My Beloved
Is why
You are—
This love
    This Eshq—
Is the love
       Of all eternities.  

There had to be a death
In this love.
It turns out what had to die
Was not “me”
But rather the selfishness
     The ego.

It was all Love
all along,
   all loveliness…
The ego blocked it.

The ego melted…
   It’s all lovely now.

Turns out Rumi was right:

A lover came to see a beloved
He knocked at the door
The beloved answered from the inside:
“Who is it?”

The lover said: “It’s me!”
        The beloved said: “Go away!
                There is no room in this heart for two me's!”

The lover went away
    into an exile of agony

He was raw
  Then cooked 
       in the fire of love.

He returned
   Risen
     Cooked.

Knocked again.

Once more came the beloved’s voice:
         “Who is it?”
  This time the lover said:  
       “It’s you, o beloved!”

The Beloved said:  
    “Since you are me,
o me, 
  come,
   enter into me!”

Two threads 
Cannot enter 
The eye of the needle.

So to you, 
    My Belonged
The you whom I’ve melted into
I say:
Praise be to Him
     alhamdulilah!
Who melts us 

  Gives us a rising
    Beyond time
Beyond death

SubhanAllah!  
Glory to Him.

There is a death in love
   but what a rising…

Come, friends
Let us rise!

Come, 
  Beloved
Let us hold hands
  And rise, 
    Rise!